she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have tasted many bathrooms
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize