she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
