I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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