So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
