Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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