I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
