a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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