Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
