Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
