you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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