final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
