We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
