actually, I'm a sock model
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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