Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
