Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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