i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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