I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
