I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
