I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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