you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
