He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
