he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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