I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
