i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We're using joints as your birthday candles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
