He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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