But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
