ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
