one might say we're banned from that church
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
