The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
