Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
