I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize