Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
