I think i peed on brittanys purse
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
