ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
