my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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