I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dear god my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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