there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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