I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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