It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize