Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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