if you like me you must not know who I am
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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