Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
