Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
