he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
