You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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