My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
