You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
