i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
