he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
