Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize