Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
