Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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