i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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