is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
