I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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