That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
