Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
