Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
