idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think people are normalizing furries
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
