Kiss
Puke
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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