What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
