so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
