Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
