So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
