The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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