she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
