Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
