I wanna passion pit in your ass
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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