I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The air was thick with penises
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
