i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
