Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
