She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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