if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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