I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize