I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize