I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
