someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
