found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
