I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize