I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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