From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
