Someone shit on the floor
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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