I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
