my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
