So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
