the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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