fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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