Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize