I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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