i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
