I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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