Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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