I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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