His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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