i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
