woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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