A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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