i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
