Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
