perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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