Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
