if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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